Breaking the silence: Having the words to tell your truth
Finding the moment to talk out loud about embodied trauma
By Sharon Jones | 14th August, 2025 | Researcher; Educator; Speaker; Author ©
When the child isn’t allowed to speak their pain
The fear of the unknown, it’s a popular theme used within forms of storytelling and it’s an emotion humans cannot escape. We try to make sense of all that we encounter but when we don’t understand something or we can’t control a situation, we fear it.
Worse still, being silenced during childhood trauma feeds into that fear, leaving wounds unspoken about. A child learns to navigate this, developing coping mechanisms for survival, and in doing so they can feel unimportant with no place in the world. In this situation, talking out loud may lead to other punishment but the experience of other punishment is unknown and thus the fear heightens.
I had internalised the words ‘you can’t tell anyone what’s happened’ repeatedly throughout childhood and it was met with the fear of what could happen if I did speak out; as if this was going to be worse than what I had experienced. The experience was all I knew. The result saw me become both an under talker and an over talker with no in between. On the one hand, I learned to speak only when spoken too but on the other hand I could be quite a ‘chatterbox’ and often got into trouble at school for talking too much, a reference also made in my school reports. To avoid difficult conversations I would only speak the words I thought another wanted to hear but when someone showed interest in my passion (my coping mechanisms masked), I could talk, a lot! Both techniques however, enabled me to remain silent.
The weight of silence
Growing up in an environment where emotional and physical safety has been compromised leaves a child feeling rejected or dismissed. When silenced, they learn to silence themselves as a way to manage their daily existence. Over time, the stress of this impacts upon thought processes and the body’s nervous system (Van de Kolk, 2014; Maté, 2019) and the weight of silence, being deeply embodied, is unavoidable.
Being silenced became my own silence, a silence I didn’t choose but one that saw me loose myself in art and writing. I became an observer, someone who developed an apt for learning. My love of learning was what I could hide behind. I became addicted. My addiction may have looked healthy to some, and it was certainly effective for me to cope, but there was no end to my thirst for learning more and remaining hidden. In a way my success was also my downfall.
Throughout my adult life I remained in a place that avoided difficult conversations though I always felt the need to fully explain myself in order to avoid any misunderstandings. I’ve heard how I can’t simply answer a question if it means I have to say no and I would struggle to speak up for myself, often going around the houses before I could say what I wanted to. I lived with a constant fear of either being too much or not enough and the silence I experienced had become my armour, forged in survival from a very early age.
The moment of truth spoken out loud
It wasn’t until I was an older adult, when the amour I’d worn throughout my life began to crack under the weight of what could no longer be ignored. The realisation of what I believed to be a strength of mine was no longer keeping me safe, I was surviving without a clue how to navigate this unfamiliar territory. I had no map; no guidance. I was lost and I knew I needed help. I had to find a way to speak out so I could journey my way to somewhere I could more than just survive; to a place of healing.
Cracking under the weight or the ‘pressure cooker effect’ (McGill and McElvaney, 2022) isn’t an uncommon theme in adults with embodied childhood trauma. Research highlights with ever changing societal norms and after years of carrying a secret/s, adults will reach a significant turning point and disclose what they’ve held in (Delker, Salton and McLean, 2019; Tener and Murphy, 2014). Though developing a more informed society is not a new concept, acceptance in the wider context is still a growing phenomenon and a requirement for those with embodied trauma if they are to speak their truth (Miller, 1997).
Being able to speak out, whether with a therapist, a friend or through some form of expression can be both terrifying and liberating at the same time. Those first spoken words are met with a sense of shame and embarrassment, they may be spoken in a tangled web of uncertainty but once they’ve been spoken there’s no silencing them again.
Words, language and communication
Words may be spoken that make no sense, language may be difficult for others to comprehend and communication itself maybe non-verbal to begin with but however the silence is broken, the journey to healing has begun and survival is not the only technique keeping you going. Words over silence, truth over suppression and connection over isolation is how one grows into their full authentic self.
Sometimes, thinking about what or how to say the things you feel can cause a mental overload and it can stay stuck. However, there may be times when blurting something out is easier because the echoes from childhood are so loud. This is something I wrote about in my 1st blog. I didn’t hear the words I spoke and I immediately felt the fear of sharing my secret but I’d reached a point I knew what I had experienced wasn’t acceptable, it might have been my normal but it wasn’t normal. It was wrong. I didn’t want to shout about it and I had no idea who to offload with but in order to find myself, I had to speak to someone.
The words, language and communication may not be perfect but your existence is your story and it’s a story worth telling if it means releasing all that has been quieted. Whether talking out loud to another being or voice journaling to self, the story begins to make sense and the chapter once framed in the past but haunting the present will eventually be brought to a close. A new chapter can then begin.
References
Delker, B., Salton, R., and McLean, K., 2019. Giving voice to silence: Empowerment and disempowerment in the developmental shift from trauma ‘victim’ to ‘survivor advocate’. Journal of Trauma and Dissociation, 21(2), pp.242-263. https://doi.org/10.1080/15299732.2019.1678212
Maté, G., 2019. When the body says no. London: UK, Penguin.
McGill, L., and McElvaney, R., 2022. Adult and adolescent disclosures of child sexual abuse: A comparative analysis. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 38(1-2). https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605221088278
Miller, A., 1997. The essential role of an enlightened witness in society. [online] Available at: https://www.alice-miller.com/en/the-essential-role-of-an-enlightened-witness-in-society/[Accessed 12/7/25].
Tener, D., and Murphy, S., 2014. Adult disclosure of sexual abuse: A literature review. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 16(4). https://doi.org/10.1177/1524838014537906
Van de kolk, B., 2014. The body keeps the score. London: UK, Penguin.